Isolation

It's funny, really. I am around people all day long, but the chance for conversation is pretty much zero. I can't remember the last time that I was able to carry out a conversation that bridged into more than just the type of small talk that is common among adults. No chance to find out what makes a person tick, or to get to know someone really well.

When I was younger (or rather, when I started this job), I had a network of friends to eat lunch with every day if I wanted. I could run down during a break, and find out how the wedding plans were going for one friend, and who did what on All My Children (okay, you have no idea how many people in our building are/were addicted to that soap, because it plays over the lunch hour). Laer, after some friends graduated, I still was able to get out of the building to catch up with friends over lunch, or to play to meet to go to a movie or out to dinner with a group of people.

I don't know what happened beyond the simple fact that they pretty much all moved away.

Instead of spending an hour on the phone with a friend who called to see if the kids wanted to play, I have hours of empty time.

Sometimes I just feel really isolated. I read with a book in my hand, almost always. My son eats so fast that he is done long before I barely get started. Once he's left the table, it's just me and my book.

My granny and grandpa used to do that; sit side by side, reading and eating their lunch or dinner, if no one else was around. When I lived at home, no one was allowed to have a book at the table. Dinner, lunch or breakfast was for catching up with what everyone was doing. You were expected to talk and share, and laugh. It was great.

I wish I had that now.