The April Cosmo:
"99 food* Facts you've never heard before" Hmm... so what about the other 11 times a year they cover this topic? You mean, they were holding out on us? Someone needs to compile a book of everything Cosmo has ever written about food, in chronological order. It would be twelve volumes long, and would take years to read. Bestseller material.
"What he does when you're not around" ooookkkaaayyyy
"Guys spill their Dirty, Dumb-Ass Blunders. You'll die laughing." I'm sure I will. Right after I finish reading that first story about food.
"Blow his mind. The Awesome new food Prop — and Guess what? It's in your Purse" Trust me, folks, it's tamer than it sounds. It's a menthol mint. Sorry for the spoiler.
And finally, scarily:
"5 Warning Signs a Stranger's about to become Violent" Okay, talk about awkward placement of an article title.
Sometimes, I think the $4.50 spent on this magazine is the most important investment I make to maintain my sanity in an otherwise chaotic world. Thank you, cosmo!
* Replace food with S.E.X. Funny, isn't that what a lot of us do anyway?