Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Reverse Psychology messing with my head, and other deep thoughts.

So I have this thing that I do.

I tell myself that I have no money. I spend a set amount on groceries a week, and a set amount to spend on necessities. I try very hard to save what I can, because I want to get a different car sometime in this decade...

Because of this, though, I was in panic mode last night because the scouts want to go skiing this weekend, and I was worried that I might not be able to swing it. It was an unnecessary panic, because I KNEW we could go, but the feeling was there because it hit my trigger dollar amount. I want to go, even though I haven't been on skis in 20 years. My son wants to go tubing. We both just want to have fun, and hope that lots of our friends, kids and adults, will go.

But I also wish that the kids would plan some free or less expensive activities. I would have been happy with just walking through the new Ada Hayden Park, or going to see an educational exhibit, or even another LAN party (which costs us next to nothing except time, and bruised egos when the eleven year olds kick my butt at Star Craft). I am thinking even a work day at the scout room could be fun if handled properly. I'll bet there are a ton of interesting things to discover in that room... It is my biggest fear that we will scare away the kids that need us the most if we continually do things that require fees that many families may not be able to afford without offering more opportunities for fund raising to allow them to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes from having earned their own way.

I am proud of the fact that I can support myself and my son. I am happy when I can pay my own way somewhere, and it gives me joy to be able to do things for others. But there is a part of me that can never let go of what it was like when that wasn't the case.

That is the part of me who wants to be sure others have the same opportunities for them and their children.

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