Realization

1. I have problems verbalizing what I want. I have always been afraid to ask for things, for fear of rejection. Sometimes I can work through that fear, other times I just clam up.

2. Because of this, it seems like I am pushing people away. I don't call my sisters as much as I want to, because I know that they are busy, and I am afraid to bug them while they are in the middle of something. Like they wouldn't just ask me to call back, but would instead be mad. This is why I don't use the phone much. I used to call my mom every other evening, but now I have barely talked to her since she started her new job, and she is always on the speakerphone, in the middle of doing something else.

3. I am still kind of shy (don't laugh). I sometimes stop talking around groups of people, get overwhelmed, etc. Too many people talking at once makes me want to cover my ears, especially if they are all talking to me at once.

4. I tend to need to concentrate on one thing at a time in order to understand it. Distraction is horrible to me, as it makes it impossible to get things done correctly. It is worse when I can't use music to shut out the other distractions. Hence the pile of web site updates that need to be done that are still on my list of things to do at work. And tutorials to write - I used to be able to write a tutorial every couple of days, but it's been months since I have written anything that wasn't in response to a problem, rather than a proactive tutorial. Need to work on that.

Shaun of the Dead just walked into my room... Stinker twelve-year-old... :)

5. I am addicted to email. I email waaayyy more than I talk on the phone.

6. Kids are great. They can make up a game out of nothing more than some caution tape. They can turn clearing out a brush pile into a game. Kids remind you that anything is possible, and that not having anything is not the end of the world. But remembering the frisbee is probably more important to them than remembering the bug spray... :)

Okay, I am going to go over to the corner and try to stop feeling sorry for myself. Then I am going to check my email a few billion more times to make myself feel better...